Not To Cry

When a child is hurt or sick in Haiti they are admonished "not to cry." An infant may be nursed but toddlers or older children are scolded, ignored or even hit into submisson. At funerals hysterical behavior is preferable to tears. Crying seems unacceptable at any age.

The small children of our staff are around much of the day and little Swiye, born shortly before we arrived, has been cranky and needy with a slight fever and runny nose the last few days. As I walked out yesterday he was sitting on the ground and had been crying loudly while his mother was doing laundry. I picked him up and he sniffeled as he snuggled into my neck. I sat on the step and he fiddled with my locket until he fell asleep. Missing my own grandkids it felt good but I wandered if it was a right or wrong thing to do. Others ignored us.

In a culture where all must be strong to survive, and children are frequently hit and hurt into obedience, is it wise to offer behavior different than the norm. Very small children take livestock, including onery horned cattle to the mountains, and drive laden, stubborn burros up rocky roads, while in the US we won't let our small children even walk curbside on a family outing.

Infants suck on rocks and marble size hair do dads, climb rocky slops and stairs and nap on sidewalks or rocky ground with geckos, spiders and ants crawling in and out of mouths and ears. Little girls learn to cook building small fires and making mud pies from dirt and pee. School children are sent to live with extended family and used as house slaves or worse for tuition. Parents seem proud of their children, have them in great numbers and seek help when they are ill. Parenting is not easy here.

In Kenya, I watched as small orphans crawded from under market booths each morning to build a tiny fire out of paper cups and beg a handout. My 7 year old granddaughter was not yet allowed to light a match and was tucked in at night by everyone in the house.

Yesterday, holding Swiye, I dreamed for him an education, career and maybe a world in which he will feed his children every day. I hoped for him a world in which there is justice and equity and comfort when there is pain. A world where children aren't taught "not to cry."